Ok I will admit it. I watched part of the Superbowl, the third quarter to be precise. Once I realized how much the Denver Broncos were getting destroyed my schadenfreude kicked in and I was entertained by how thorough a pummeling the poor Broncos were receiving. But besides that, the Superbowl was pretty boring… Except for the movie previews. Here are my opinions on the movies that were previewed in the Superbowl and what they showed us about the next cut of Hollywood films.
TRANFORMERS 4: AGE OF EXTINCTION
WHAT IS IT?: This is the fourth installment of a franchise that has been critically panned by anybody who has a little bit of taste but still makes more money than the gross domestic product of most third world countries. Mark Wahlberg is in this one. So is something called Dinobots.
WHY YOU SHOULD BE EXCITED TO SEE IT: You shouldn’t. The trailer gave us a little bit of information about what is going to be in this movie and none of it seems particularly interesting. Evidently having dinosaur Transformers in it is a big deal. Really all it does is prove that Michael Bay is content on living up to his promise: “I make movies for teenage boys.” Looks like we are going to get another over-the-top shallow Bayham mess that will make more money than you can ever hope to make in your lifetime. The only bright spot in this whole mess is Mark Wahlberg who can give some great performances (The Departed anyone?) but isn’t incredibly consistent (Ted, Pain & Gain, The Other Guys). I doubt that this will be a bright spot in his career, however I am well aware that my opinion does not really count for anything. Drooling masses of the world unite!
ANTICIPATION RATING: Zero out of 10
CAPTAIN AMERICA: WINTER SOLDIER
WHAT IS IT?: The sequel to 2011’s big screen debut of Captain America. If you haven’t at least heard some passing reference to this, you may be living under a rock.
WHY YOU SHOULD BE EXCITED TO SEE IT: Captain America is a superhero that generally translates well onto the big screen. 2011’s Captain America was a decent film that bogged down a lot in the second half and the Captain was great in The Avengers. This time around we’ll see Captain America in modern times. We’ll get to see more of Samuel L. Jackson’s Nick Fury, some more Scarlett Johannson action and the big screen debut of Falcon. With all of this building up to 2015’s Avengers: The Age of Ultron I’m confident that Marvel will be putting some serious creative effort behind this film. Personally I think that this trailer looks awesome and I am willing to give the Captain another chance in a standalone film.
ANTICIPATION RATING: 6 out of 10
MUPPETS MOST WANTED
WHAT IS IT?: Another Muppets movie? Look, I’m probably not highly qualified to write about this because I’ve never seen a Muppets movie and do not care about this franchise.
WHY YOU SHOULD BE EXCITED TO SEE IT: I guess if you like the Muppets this looks like a good Muppets movie right? I have no clue. I have never seen a Muppets movie so I have no clue how to even judge these. It’s got Tom Hiddleston and Ricky Gervais in it and the trailer is kind of clever. That’s a good sign. The last popup was in Russian and said: “5 star rating, download a computer virus!” I laughed at that.
ANTICIPATION RATING: ? out of 10
WHAT IS IT?: Acclaimed director Darren Aronofsky takes on the Biblical story of Noah and it looks to be all kinds of crazy.
WHY YOU SHOULD BE EXCITED TO SEE IT: Darren Aronofsky is a really good director with a distinct style and taste for dense mind bending films. In previous films such as Pi and The Fountain he introduced religious elements from Kabbalah and Apocrypha writings, but this time around we get to see him unleash the extent of his religious influences. The story of Noah is one of the few Biblical stories that can translate effectively onto the screen, since it is basically the template for all the disaster movies that we’ve seen over the past few years. Judging from the trailer Aronofsky is taking a little bit of liberty in telling the traditional Bible story (remember that time in the Bible where Noah uses a flaming sword? I don’t..) and mixing it with his less traditional religious influences. Aronofsky is a good director, one of my favorites and it will be interesting to see him make a big epic movie I am also morbidly excited to see all the controversy that this film will certainly cause.
ANTICIPATION RATING: 8 out of 10
THE AMAZING SPIDERMAN 2
WHAT IS IT?: The sequel to the reboot that nobody wanted of the Spiderman franchise.
WHY YOU SHOULD BE EXCITED TO SEE IT: Even though The Amazing Spiderman was a bit of a drag, this trailer shows some promise. It has Electro in it, which I here is a big deal I guess (a quick Wikipedia search shows that he gets his powers by an accident involving electric eels. I can’t wait to see how that plays out). Also, the final scene in the trailer was funny. Otherwise this is just an exciting trailer for a movie that desperately wants to be loved. My biggest concern here is that there seems to be three villains (possibly four): Electro, Rhino-suit-guy, Goblin (not sure if that is correct) and possibly Doc Oc. Remember Spider Man 3? Remember how frustrating it was to have three villains? We might be dealing with that problem again in this film. We’ll see how they handle a potential villain overload.
ANTICIPATION RATING: 4 out of 10
And as something extra, here was my favorite commercial of the night.